River_Rat_459
04-19-2012, 08:37
My wife works with a guy who is notorious for using puns every day. She had him e-mail some of his better ones. Some are good, some are annoying. Here they are, copied and pasted for your amusement:
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I changed my i Pod name to Titanic . It's syncing now .
When chemists die, they barium .
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me .
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .
I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren't funny, period .
Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .
Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .
I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .
How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?
When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .
What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds .
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless .
I tried to catch some fog . I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .
Velcro - what a rip off !
Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .
Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault .
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
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I changed my i Pod name to Titanic . It's syncing now .
When chemists die, they barium .
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me .
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .
I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren't funny, period .
Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .
Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .
I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .
How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?
When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .
What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds .
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !
Broken pencils are pointless .
I tried to catch some fog . I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .
Velcro - what a rip off !
Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .
Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault .
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.