US Military Gamers - Powered by vBulletin


Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    I run this website..

    smoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Shakopee, MN
    Posts
    6,066
    First Name
    Chris
    Branch
    Navy
    Blog Entries
    7

    Where my proofreaders at!?

    Can you guys take a look at this and proofread. let me know if anything needs revisions.
    http://usmilitarygamers.com/about/features/


    Please do not contact me for recruiting issues or to add or create you a signature. I will ignore you.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    169

    Re: Where my proofreaders at!?

    line 2, Liek Minded?

  3. #3
    USMG Prestiged Member ladym123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Venus of course. All women are from Venus!
    Posts
    3,911
    First Name
    Lady
    Branch
    Civilian

    Re: Where my proofreaders at!?

    There are a few unnecessary capital letters in the first paragraph ;-)



  4. #4
    USMG Beer & Boob Judge
    River_Rat_459's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Bridgeport, WV
    Posts
    10,207
    First Name
    Corey
    Branch
    Army
    Blog Entries
    4

    Re: Where my proofreaders at!?

    Ask, and ye shall receive. I'll put up your original text and the corrections in red.
    Ask yourself these questions: Were or are you in the military? Are you in a clan? Do you want to be? Are you looking for a group of gamers that are mature? Like-minded? Do you have more online multiplayer games than just the hot new release that you like to play? Are all the clans out there full of kids and only focused on one game?

    If you answered yes to any of those questions then you might like what we can offer you. Why go through the headache of being a member of multiple clans when all you need is ONE? This one!

    We are the U.S. Military Gamers, and we are looking for gamers like you! Read on to find out what we will ask of you.

    We are a non-competitive clan comprised of active duty, reserve, guard, and prior service military gamers from all branches of the military. We are actively seeking men and women in uniform as well as mature gamers. Games come and go but the USMG remains. We play across all games on both the PS3, and Xbox360!

    Civilians are NOT EXCLUDED! You are in great demand for our elite civilian detachment!

    Indecision may or may not be my problem.

  5. #5
    USMG Beer & Boob Judge
    River_Rat_459's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Bridgeport, WV
    Posts
    10,207
    First Name
    Corey
    Branch
    Army
    Blog Entries
    4

    Re: Where my proofreaders at!?

    The rest of it looks good, except for these minor notes:
    Leadership and clan/site staff positions available, and rotated every 6 months!
    Awards and decorations are given out to members based on real accomplishments!
    We have designers on staff to create you a customized signature that can be used in most forums including our own!

    Requirements:
    Must be 18+
    Prior military service preferred but all are welcome!
    Must have a microphone
    Community participation is a requirement in our forum area (no dormant accounts)
    Cannot play the field and be registered with more than one clan! (Not optional, sorry..)
    Must play online with one of the Recruiters in order to receive clan tag and full membership.
    Must register and submit an application via our "Enlist Now!" link at our site.

    We are just a group of gamers who play for the love of the game and camaraderie! If your clan didn't take off or you're part of a clan that just wants to boost membership numbers and doesn't value members, give us a try. If the head of your clan doesn't know your name or is too high and mighty to add you to a friends list, give us a try. Check us out and if you're interested, apply today. Also, if you were not in the military there is no need to lie about it in order to fit in, we are more than happy to accept civilian members that meet our requirements.

    If you are interested in joining us, or want more information,

    Indecision may or may not be my problem.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •